Feeling like a pile of shit.

I have just left a crying baby in child care today.

Ashwin started attending child care 3 weeks ago. The place he goes to is called "Little Rascals Childcare" which Ashwin pronounces as itte ashash childcare in the most adorable way. He will also tell you that his school is in Applecross.

The first week, he went enthusiastically, waving be good bye and giving me my ration of 2 kisses. The childcare is quite a fun place - choke full of toys, a playground in the back yard where new toys are introduced on a regular basis. Even the food they serve is quite fun. I started him on 2 days a week of care and he was going Tuesdays and Thursdays. The second week, he was not quite as happy to see me go as he realised school was not a one-off thing but rather a permanent fixture in his life. The third week, I had to keep him home as he was down with cold and fever.

I have just enrolled him in every day childcare starting today. To say he was not happy to see me go today will be an understatement. He was clinging to me, proclaiming himself "Baby", having me feed him yoghurt and steadfastly refusing to say Bye. After I spent 45 minutes with him there, he finally relented to go to a carer who agreed to take him to the playground and I promptly left.

When I left the building 10 minutes later, he was crying.

I just called to see how he is doing and I was told he was settled in and was playing outside. (Is he really settled in? Happy? I don't know!)

The thing is this child care business is not for fun. I have found a job here and I will have to start working next week and I NEED Ashwin to go to childcare. I also NEED him to be happy there because otherwise I'm going to be this grumpy and weepy myself too and that's not the way to go to work.

Will he settle in quickly? Will he be happy there? Will I come back soon with a "My son loves school" post? Only time will tell.

'

Updated: I went to take a peek around lunch time and saw him sitting with his friends and eating Pasta. The carer told me that prior to that he was playing in the sand pit. It seems I am brooding more than he is... We'll see.

Updated again: When I went to pick him up in the evening, he was riding on the back of a tricycle with another boy. He said "Hi amma" to me and made no effort to move towards me. When I told him we could go home now, he said "No" and ran straight back to the playground.

Ask him what he did at school today and he will tell you that he did "enjoy".

The little rascal.